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0 of 0 people found the following review helpful
I'm familiar with your book from another site, and another read through did not disappoint. You write with great insight, capturing character and atmosphere expertly. You manage to combine grittiness with descriptive interest in a way that leaves the reader wanting to learn more. Each chapter ending has an irresistible hook - pulling them into the next chapter.The subject matter is fascinating; the Bible Belt environment - something we are not familiar with in Britain. Your writing flows well, and dialogue is definitely one of your strengths. Technically, I found nothing to criticise, and I very much liked some of your images, like 'The cold night air was like a slap in the face'. I can find little to fault, and think this story will develop into an exciting thriller. Good luck with it. |
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0 of 0 people found the following review helpful
I liked this very much. The sentences are clear and easy to read, and you vary the structure and lengths which helps the pace. You start off with plenty of action which is a good hook for young and old.I liked Tristan, his character was attractive and both his thoughts and actions were totally what one would expect from a child. I think you understand kids, and that shows in your writing. Your writing has an old-fashioned feel to it, and I tried to work out exactly why that was. I came to the conclusion that it might be because of the lack of dialogue. (I believe Harry Potter is about 70% dialogue!) You have used inner dialogue, T's thoughts, which helps, but otherwise, the writing is not broken up much until Chapter 4. I couldn't help wishing that T had a companion right from the start, so that they could bounce off each other, but I understand that would mean a massive re-write. I am an ex-teacher and would welcome this book into my classroom. It is nicely written and flows well. I wish you the best of luck with it. |
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
First of all, great title, and loving both iced buns and Bangkok (not necessarily in that order) made me choose this book in particular to read.I enjoyed the prologue as it did exactly what a prologue should do; it whetted my curiosity and made me want to read on. Who is this 24 year old dog-owning smoker who wants to watch an old lady eat a bun? ('She settles her old frame on the bench.' I'm assuming that means her old body? Or is it a younger person carrying some kind of old frame?) And who is the watcher? But most importantly, who exactly is Tom? I shall carry on reading and find out. Chapter 1 and I'm catapulted into another world. I liked 'his body was a CV.' There is plenty of interest, plenty going on, but I still felt I hadn't got to know Tom any better. I'd perhaps like a little more description as well; there is plenty of opportunity for it. Chapter 2, and I'm getting into the swing of it. I enjoyed the interchanges between the protag and Alexsei, and the characters came to life as there is more warmth and humour in the writing now. In my humble, unprofessional opinion, I felt that the writing could be tightened up. There are punctuation mistakes (eg Polish, not polish,etc,) and the indenting is strange, but these are all easily fixed. Writing in the present tense is very difficult, and I think you have done well with it. The subject matter is very interesting and I hope we see more of Alexsei. This shows promise and I wish you well with it. |
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